Episode Data

My Wife and Kids

update

Season 0

• _{Saturday, June 12th, 2004}

  1: My Wife and Kids: Access All Areas

Season 1

• _{Wednesday, March 28th, 2001}

  1: Pilot

  Michael Kyle (Damon Wayans) quests for a traditional family.

• _{Wednesday, March 28th, 2001}

  2: The Truth Hurts

  Michael suspects the family is less than truthful about certain matters.

• _{Wednesday, April 4th, 2001}

  3: Grassy Knoll

  Janet is trying to get rid of some old clothes, so after Michael opposes to that she and him make a deal that everything that is not worn by the end of the week has to go. All week long they dress out-of-style clothes (Michael Jackson, Flashdance, Madonna, etc). Meanwhile, Junior is trying to learn how to play the guitar and his friend convinces him to smoke pot. When Michael and Janet realize, they decide to play with their minds and Jr. promises never to do it again. And Kady gets angry at Claire for avoiding her.

• _{Wednesday, April 4th, 2001}

  4: Of Breasts and Basketball

  Michael (Damon Wayans) doesn't take it well when he loses at basketball; Claire (Jazz Raycole) buys a padded bra

• _{Wednesday, April 11th, 2001}

  5: Making the Grade

  Jr. gets an F in Algebra and forges it into an A. Claire finds out about it and soon starts to blackmail Jr. so she won't tell their parents. But Michael and Janet are smarter than that and decide to teach Jr. a lesson by ""toying"" with him. After numerous attempts, Janet decides to take her own actions on Claire, while Michael still tries to make Jr.'s guilt speak out. That only happens when Michael has Jr.'s teacher over.

• _{Wednesday, April 11th, 2001}

  6: Working It

  Michael hires an attractive girl to tutor Junior in math.

• _{Wednesday, April 18th, 2001}

  7: Snapping and Sniffing

  Jr. is having problems at school with a bully, so Michael and Janet invite his parents over to discover some of the kid's weak points. Jr. teases the kid back and Claire punches him in the nose. Now Jr. is feeling humiliated, and George's father drops by to have a talk, where he and Michael argue and threat each other. Meanwhile, Michael tells Janet she is not around enough, and she starts to realize that when she misses Kady's first tooth and her new ""smell the cushions"" thing.

• _{Wednesday, April 18th, 2001}

  8: He Said, She Said

  Jay wants Michael to quit watching TV and spend a little more time with the family - something that apparently only she wants. But Michael insists on watching a basketball game. When Jay talks to him, he doesn't pay any attention, and later tries to find out what she told him. Then he tells her something, but Jay's too busy talking to one of her girlfriends on the phone, so she doesn't listen either. When the evening comes and they are ready to go out for dinner, Jay apologizes for not paying any attention and they decide to leave the kids alone. But will they pay any attention to their parents?

• _{Wednesday, April 25th, 2001}

  9: Breaking Up and Breaking It

  Claire develops her first real crush on a boy, and Michael does everything to break them up. But instead of threatening the guy like he would usually do, Michael become friends with him, to the point where the boy wants to spend more time with Michael then with Claire. After Claire dumps him, Jay makes Michael dump him too, which is a little hard because he is listens to Michael. Jr., on the other hand, has been busier playing with himself. Ever since those hormones kicked in, Jr. spends most of the day in the bathroom, until he ""breaks"" his toy and has to take some time out.

• _{Wednesday, May 2nd, 2001}

  10: A Little Romance

  Michael's brother Ken comes to visit and brings his newest girlfriend. While Jr. is mainly interested in seeing parts of her body, Michael envies his brother because his own sex life became a little boring - Jay keeps asking for more spontaneity and Michael doesn't know what to do. His brother tells him to innovate and Michael ends up catching a cold when he dances naked in the backyard for Jay. Meanwhile, Claire is worried about winning a dancing contest. She's not satisfied with Jr. being the only one with trophies to show around, and despite her father's dissatisfaction with her dance moves, she manages to get a second place - which is not exactly what she hoped for.

• _{Wednesday, May 9th, 2001}

  11: Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

  Michael's accountant dies suddenly, making Mike take a whole new perspective about his life. He buys a wig (or a hair piece as he like to call it) and starts to demonstrate his love for his family in a weird way. He even buys a motorcycle and an RV, in a misguided effort to live life to its fullest. Jay tells the kids it's just a phase, but even her is going crazy with Michael. He only goes back to his old being after he cries the death of his friend and realize there's a lot more about life than he thought.

• _{Friday, February 22nd, 2002}

  12: Failure to Communicate

  Michael's parents come to visit him, but Michael is worried about the way they treat each other and how that is reflecting on his own children. After a disastrous attempt to fix things, Michael and Jay finally decide to let things the way they were. Meanwhile, Jay and Michael worry about Jr.'s rush to have sex and his new girlfriend. Note: This episode was originally intended to air in season one, but for unknown reasons, ABC pulled back to season 2 Episode 19. Which is why Jazz Raycole portrays Claire, making this episode her very final appearance in the series.

Season 2

• _{Wednesday, September 26th, 2001}

  1: Mom's Away (1)

  While Jay is away taking care of her mother who broke the leg, Michael is left in charge of the house and the kids. They all miss their mother, and nothing Michael does seems to be as good how Jay did. Jr. wants to join the basketball team. Michael doubts he'll make it, but when he does Michael has other problems to worry about: Jr.'s friends, who seem to be using him. Meanwhile, Kady is cranky and not even Michael's efforts to make cookies just like her mother's are working. Trying to get a smile from her, he starts to tell her how she was born. Claire's friend Charmaine is spending the night over. But the two have bigger worries when a pregnancy test comes out positive.

• _{Wednesday, September 26th, 2001}

  2: Mom's Away (2)

  The pregnancy test was Charmaine's, who is thinking about running away from home. Thanks to Michael's advice on teen parenting (something he had to go through himself), Charmaine decides to talk to her parents about it. Meanwhile, Michael tries to prove to Jr. that his friends are not as friendly as he thinks, something Jr. only realizes after one of the guys tries to hit on his sister Claire. And Michael goes on with the story on Kady's birth, how he took over the pregnancy for Jay and how she ended up with Shaquille O'Neal thanks to a hospital mixup.

• _{Wednesday, October 3rd, 2001}

  3: No Rules

  The kids are chafing at Michael's household rules, so he drops them all. He also stops doing anything for them. That means they must cook their own meals and get themselves to school. It also means that Jr. may eat in his room---and live with the ants the food attracts. And it means that Claire may talk on the telephone as long as she likes, as long as she uses the pay phone Michael has installed. (TV Guide)

• _{Wednesday, October 10th, 2001}

  4: Perfect Dad

  The kids complain that Michael is being too strict since Jay left the house to take care of their grandma, so they call for a family meeting where they all discuss the way they think the family should be, with no repercussions. Jr. thinks having a rapper for a dad would be cool; Claire thinks the perfect dad should be the manager of the country's #1 boy band and Kady thinks Michael should be a big blue dragon (much like TV's Barney). Michael shows them how these versions could go wrong, and shares his thoughts of perfect children (which also wouldn't work). At the end they all agree they should work for a better family relationship, even if it's not how they dreamed it to be.

• _{Wednesday, October 17th, 2001}

  5: Thru Thick and Thin

  Janet returns home from taking care of her mom's injury, and she's put on a few pounds after eating mom's home cooking. Michael doesn't know how to ""diplomatically"" tell his wife that she's packing a little bit extra. The episode builds to a dream sequence, in which Janet imagines that the entire family is tremendously overweight.

• _{Wednesday, October 24th, 2001}

  6: He Heard, She Heard

  Claire asks her parents to go to a party, but Michael won't let her. Jay thinks he should trust his daughter more, so he lets her spend the night over at Erica's (even though that wasn't his original decision). When he picks up the phone, he ‘accidentally' listens to Claire's conversation, where she says she'll fool Michael and go to the party. Michael sets up a scheme to catch her, but Kady overhears it. Claire bribes her sister with liquorish so she'll page her when Michael leaves the house. The plan works, and Michael can't rest until he discovers how Claire tricked him. Finally, he bribes Kady and catches Claire and her friends with a fake party he made up.

• _{Wednesday, October 31st, 2001}

  7: Michael's Garden

  Lou Rawls guest stars in an episode that takes a lighthearted but informative look at a serious problem: colon cancer. It's especially acute among African-Americans over 40—and guess who's 40? Not only that, but Michael has been having bathroom problems. Still, he won't go to the doctor. ""What is it with men?"" Janet fumes. ""You take better care of your cars than you do of your bodies."" That doesn't change his mind, but the thought of not being there for his kids does, so he has a colonoscopy. But first he gets a preview of the procedure in his dreams. That's where Rawls—as a singing doctor—comes in. (TV Guide)

• _{Wednesday, November 7th, 2001}

  8: Let Them Eat Pie

  Claire, playing a dare game with Jr. and Kady, eats Michael's piece of pie. Michael's punishment: Let them eat pie (and only pie). Meanwhile, Michael offers to be the dieting Jay's ""chubby buddy"": He'll eat the same lo-cal food she does. Of course, he doesn't tell her that he plans to cheat. (TV Guide)

• _{Wednesday, November 14th, 2001}

  9: Jay Gets Fired

  Jay's in for a surprise when she takes Claire and Kady to her office on Take Your Daughters to Work Day: She gets fired. ""Baby, I'm so sorry,"" Michael tells her. She knows he doesn't mean it: Now he has the full-time housewife he's been longing for. (TV Guide)

• _{Wednesday, November 21st, 2001}

  10: The Whole World is Watching

  Jay buys Jr. computer appliances (including a 24-hour broadcast webcam), and Michael protests saying he'll only use it for porno instead of studying. They start to fight over who's in charge, and make up on Jr.'s room, unaware that they're being seen through Jr.'s website by the entire world. The next day, Jr. discovers what his parents did, and seeing the unlimited reach of the internet, Michael decides to use it for promoting his business.

• _{Wednesday, November 28th, 2001}

  11: Letting Go

  Kady has acquired a hamster and Claire has a crush on a boy named Tony. Both developments pose parental challenges for Michael and Jay. The hamster dies. And Michael wishes Claire's new beau would follow suit. (TV Guide)

• _{Wednesday, December 12th, 2001}

  12: Learning to Earn It

  Michael decides to teach the kids how to handle money due to their inability of spending the allowance money wisely. He proposes that each kid comes up with their own business, and at the end of the week he'll double whatever profit they made. After a slow start selling ""lemon aids"", Kady discovers that garage sales are a very profitable business – especially when you're selling perfectly good appliances for very cheap prices. Claire starts her very own beauty salon, using Jay's expensive hair care products and the good towels. And Jr. chooses gambling to make money, something Michael devotes his full attention to prove being wrong – especially after losing his 3,000 dollars golf clubs to Jr. on blackjack – by buying a slot machine and making Jr. lose all the money he made.

• _{Wednesday, January 16th, 2002}

  13: Quality Time

  Janet is annoyed with Michael who feels that, after spending time with her, he's entitled to time alone — an opinion shared by the marriage counselors they end up seeing, much to Janet's further frustration. Meanwhile, Jr. wonders why Claire suddenly wants to hang out with him and his friends. (ABC)

• _{Wednesday, January 23rd, 2002}

  14: Get Out

  Michael is on a mission — to get his notoriously late family dressed and ready to go to a wedding in 15 minutes, but everybody has some sort of problem that keeps them from getting fully ready. First it's Jay, who insists on having Michael's opinion on her outfit (so she can pick the exact opposite) and has a problem with his clapping. Then there's and Claire, who picked a not-so-formal dress. On top of that there's Kady, who decided to eat chocolate pudding and ruined her clothes. When they are finally ready to go, Kady has a bathroom urge, and the entire family goes back to the house. Finally, Jr. has a heart-to-heart talk with his dad about his mean jokes to him and they leave, missing a phone call from Michael's aunt saying the wedding is cancelled.

• _{Wednesday, January 30th, 2002}

  15: Road Trip

  Jay organizes a historic trip to Paul Revere's house for the entire family to learn more about American history. She even packs colonial food (which Michael hates) to give it an extra touch. Michael, unlike Jay, isn't so excited about spending a long time with Jay and Claire in a car. The reason? They're both on that time of the month, which spells trouble! The trip is full of problems, including being pulled over twice, Michael being lost and refusing to use the navigational system, Jay's neurosis about her weight, Jr. terrorizing Kady, Claire's whining and Kady playing with the voice alternator she got in her chicken from the chicken place clerk. The family survives, but when they finally get to Paul Revere's house, it's closed.

• _{Wednesday, February 6th, 2002}

  16: Table for Too Many (1)

  Michael gets to the gas station and has to wait forever for the guy in front of him to move on. Irritated, he gets home to watch the Michael Jordan game on TV, but Jay says they're going out for family dinner at Tokahana's, an overpriced Japanese place. When they get there, the problems start before they even get inside. The valet charges 7 dollars to park their car – a rip-off according to Michael. Jay has to give the man 10 dollars so they can finally enter the restaurant. Once there, they have to wait forever at the bar, where they are forced to buy drinks. Tired of waiting, Michael goes to check what's taking so long for their table, and the hostess makes them wait a little longer. Michael even pushes Kady into the fish pond, hoping that will make Jay want to go home, but no. Instead, she buys a 60 dollar sweatshirt for the girl. They finally get in, and who's at their table? The same guy from the gas station and his family!

• _{Wednesday, February 6th, 2002}

  17: Table for Too Many (2)

  Michael, who dislikes going out to dinner because it's always an overpriced ordeal, allows Janet to convince him to take the family to a Japanese restaurant. Once there, he feels like he's being ripped off at every turn, and things go from bad to worse after the Kyles are seated with the incredibly annoying Parker family.

• _{Wednesday, February 13th, 2002}

  18: Double Date

  Claire wants to go on her first date with Tony, but Michael is reluctant to let her. So he decides he and Jay should also go with them to the movies so they can check on Tony. He proves to be a perfect gentleman despite Michael's innumerous attempts to unmask him as a horny teenager. Such a gentleman that he even refuses to kiss Claire. Michael, who was so worried about his little girl, is shocked to see Claire kissing Tony. But now they know they can trust the boy. Meanwhile, Jr.'s at home babysitting for Kady and decides to take advantage of her. He has her play waitress for him and trades her dimes for his pennies, only to find out later she spit on his soda and traded him a penny worth 200 dollars.

• _{Friday, February 22nd, 2002}

  19: Failure to Communicate

  Michael's parents come to visit him, but Michael is worried about the way they treat each other and how that is reflecting on his own children. After a disastrous attempt to fix things, Michael and Jay finally decide to let things the way they were. Meanwhile, Jay and Michael worry about Jr.'s rush to have sex and his new girlfriend. Note: This episode was originally intended to air in season one, but for unknown reasons, ABC pulled back to season 2 Episode 19. Which is why Jazz Raycole portrays Claire, making this episode her very final appearance in the series.

• _{Wednesday, February 27th, 2002}

  20: Papa Said Knock You Out

  Michael freaks out when he spots a gray hair, but not on his head. He feels he's getting too old, and decides to practice boxing again to get in shape. He even teaches Jr. some tricks and some punches, until Jr. knocks Michael out, giving him a black eye. Meanwhile, Claire is ready to go on her first date with Tony, and Jr. mishears their conversation and thinks they're having sex. He decides to defend his sister and confronts Tony, who gives him a black eye. But it all turns out fine after the situation is cleared.

• _{Monday, March 4th, 2002}

  21: Return of the Wall

  Jay is coaching Kady's soccer team. The girls complain it's not any fun and Michael tries talking to Jay about it. He ends up taking over coaching the team and promising to make it fun for the girls. Jay doubts all that fun will lead to any win and just waits for vengeance. When Michael's team loses, the girls are offbeat about it and Jay breaks the news that she's been asked to coach another team, and they'll be playing Michael's on Saturday. Jay's team wins, but at least Kady gets to score her first goal. Jay decides to retire from coaching after her win – but not without enjoying her win over Michael.

• _{Wednesday, March 20th, 2002}

  22: Working Relationship

  Jay's feeling bored ever since she was fired. She can't think of anything else to do around the house, and won't let Michael watch the Jordan game until he hires her as the new accountant at his firm. What comes as a great idea for Jay turns out to be a nightmare for Michael, because Jay wants to turn his morning ritual into running errands; takes over his office and gives the employees way more breaks than they should get. Cornered, Michael goes to Jr. for advice, who tells his father he should just fire Jay. When he does, Jay is extremely hurt. After a deep talk, they decide Jay can continue to work side-by-side with Michael, but not as intrusive as before. Meanwhile, Claire tries to show Kady that E.T. is not so scary.

• _{Wednesday, March 27th, 2002}

  23: Jr. Kyle, Boy Genius

  After receiving Jr.'s SATs score results (a perfect 1600), the Kyles believe they have a genius in the house and start treating him more respectfully. Unfortunately, the results weren't Jr.'s, and his true score turns out to be only 200. Still, he proves he's not so dumb and puts together the jungle gym Michael couldn't put together for Kady. Meanwhile, Jay asks the girls what they to be when they get older. Claire wants to shop (to for companies, for her), and Kady wants to be an officer, so she starts practicing it around the house.

• _{Wednesday, April 3rd, 2002}

  24: Back Story

  When the kids tease him about getting old, Michael pretends to have hurt his back in a game of Twister so they will have to cater to his every whim.

• _{Wednesday, May 1st, 2002}

  25: Make Over

  Jay and Michael are grocery shopping when they run into Susan Green, former cheerleader from their highschool. Susan is in great shape, which makes Jay feel ugly and inadequate like she did back in high school. Jay feels depressed and Claire talks her into getting a makeover to boost her self-esteem. Meanwhile, Junior gets himself locked in a girl's locker after a misfortunate attempt to steal her bra.

• _{Wednesday, May 8th, 2002}

  26: The Bowling Show

  The Tylers and The Kyles go at it in a game of bowling. All this is going on during Star Trek night. Junior meanwhiles develops a crush on The Tyler's daughter.

• _{Wednesday, May 15th, 2002}

  27: Jr. Gets His License

  Jr. turns 17 and gets his license and wants to drive. Michael gives Jr. some money to help buy a car that Michael has already picked out for Jr.. Jr. agrees, but then comes back with a different car.

• _{Wednesday, May 22nd, 2002}

  28: Anniversary (1)

  Michael and Janet's 15th anniversary is approaching. Jay's girlfriend Wanda brings her Brian McKnight's tickets (a concert Jay was really looking forward to see), but unfortunately she has to turn it down because it's on the same night as their anniversary. Wanda says Michael will forget about it, but Jay refuses to believe in that and even has the kids spy on him to find out if he's secretly planning something.

• _{Wednesday, May 22nd, 2002}

  29: Anniversary (2)

  The anniversary day finally comes and Michael goes out to play golf, leaving Jay devastated at home. Later, she goes out for drinks with her girlfriend Wanda, who insists Jay should confront Michael. When she gets home, she starts to punch him with the Ali signed boxing gloves she bought for Michael, and he reveals he was just faking it all along with Wanda's help. He gets down on his knee and proposes to Jay. They have a vowel renewal ceremony with the presence of Brian McKnight and renew their vowels and reaffirm their love for each other.

Season 3

• _{Wednesday, September 25th, 2002}

  1: The Kyles Go to Hawaii (1)

  The Kyles are leaving for their family vacation on Hawaii, but instead of taking only one flight straight to the island, Michael thought it would be a good idea to make a quick tour around the country, so they make stops at New York, Chicago, Denver and other cities before they get to Hawaii (two days later). When they finally get there, Michael's luggage gets lost and they're forced to take a master suite because their reservation expired. While Michael wants to make it a romantic and resting trip, Jay wants to get to know place, and drags the entire family on a historical tour – except for Michael, who chose to sleep in. The kids are sick of the tour and go back to the hotel. Jr. tries to meet women and buys a book on how to talk to women subliminally, while Michael keeps scaring away any guy who lays his eyes on Claire.

• _{Wednesday, September 25th, 2002}

  2: The Kyles Go to Hawaii (2)

  Michael and Janet decide to go out on a romantic dinner, leaving their kids all alone. Claire and Jr. fight over who'll have to stay in the room babysitting for Kady, but Claire lets her brother get out of the duty, after all it's not often he gets a date. Jr. has a memorable night on the beach with Leilani, a native girl. Kady and Claire decide to spend their times on the hotel's spa, while at the dinner table Jay and Michael both struggle to say no to the temptations they met – an female underwear model and a male chest/abs model. When they go back to the hotel, they find their three kids resting in peace. Kady and Claire are glowing like never before, and Jr. has the biggest smile on his face. With all three sleeping deeply, Michael and Jay decide to extend their night at the beach, celebrating their second honeymoon.

• _{Wednesday, October 2nd, 2002}

  3: The Kyles Go to Hawaii (3)

  A mad scramble ensues when Michael finds out that the family's flight home from Hawaii leaves much earlier than he thought, but matters are complicated when a love-smitten Jr. insists on staying with his new love, Leilani. Meanwhile Kady refuses to leave without her beloved doll, Little Pippy, and Claire has to go to extremes to keep her parents from finding out about her exorbitant hotel charges

• _{Wednesday, October 9th, 2002}

  4: Samba Story

  Tired of the same dinner-and-a-movie routine, Jay convinces Michael to take dancing lessons to spice up their relationship. At first reluctant, Jay's argument that wins Michael over is that he better go to those lessons or else she'll shut down ""pantyville"". When they get there, only more problems waits for Michael. The samba instructor is all over Jay, which makes him so jealous he has the guy deported. The new instructor, however, is a very attractive woman who is all over Michael, making Jay jealous now. They decide to quit the samba lessons after all and spice up their marriage in their own way. Meanwhile, Claire's accepted in the cheerleading squad, but won't believe she only got in for her looks and not for her talent – which is none.

• _{Wednesday, October 16th, 2002}

  5: Diary of a Mad Teen

  While making Claire's bed, Jay finds her diary hidden under the mattress. She can't resist the temptation of reading it and is quite shocked to learn that her daughter is thinking about taking the next step with Tony. She has a heart-to-heart talk with Claire, about the consequences of pursuing hr hormonal desires. Meanwhile, Michael is scheduled for an appointment with the eye doctor even though he insists there's nothing wrong with his sight (doesn't matter than he can't even read the paper without squishing his eyes). He decides to have Jr. drive him there so he can test his driving abilities for an upcoming date with a girl. When he comes out of the doctor's office, Jr. is gone, and Michael tells him that he disappointed him big time, and if he can't trust Jr. to be there for his family, then he might want to consider moving out. And all Kady wants to do is play hide-and-seek.

• _{Wednesday, October 23rd, 2002}

  6: Claire's New Boyfriend

  After Michael admits liking Claire's boyfriend, Tony, she dumps him. The poor kid is devastated, and since Michael likes him so much he decides he's going to help Tony win Claire back – specially after seeing her new boyfriend, Jason (or ""1040 EZ"" as he likes to call himself). The results aren't good, so Michael has a heart-to-heart with Claire. He explains to her that Jason isn't good to her, and any men who are with her should treat her like the princess she is. Since the talk doesn't show any results either, Michael decides to act like he likes Jason and see if that makes Claire dislike him. Luckily, Claire comes back to her senses and gets back together with Tony. Meanwhile, Jay refuses to admit she looks like Jr.'s drawing of her. Instead, she believes she looks more like Halle Berry.

• _{Wednesday, October 30th, 2002}

  7: Crouching Mother, Hidden Father

  Jay volunteered to be the director for Kady's kindergarten class play, but due to illness she is forced to step away from the production, leaving it all on the hands of Michael – for the children's salvation, because Jay was way too competitive, even arguing with their teacher over the quality of their last show. Michael allows the children to make any changes they want on Shakespeare's ""Romeo and Juliet"", and the result is a very successful – and very weird – play.

• _{Wednesday, November 6th, 2002}

  8: The Fighting Kyles

  Sick and tired of listening to their kids fights, Michael and Janet act like they are fighting themselves so Jr. and Claire can see how annoying it is and quit it. But the three Kyle children get the wrong idea and think their parents are splitting up, and try their best to bond them and end the fake fights.

• _{Wednesday, November 13th, 2002}

  9: Sister Story

  Michael's sister Kelly is coming over for the weekend, which freaks Jay out because every time Kelly comes over she overstays her welcome and always gets on Jay's nerves. This time is no different, with Kelly constantly throwing on Jay's face that she is fatter than her, a worse cook than her and even tries to make her look like a bad singer, even though Jay can sing wonderfully. Things heat up when Kelly brings up Sharon, Michael's old girlfriend and Kelly's best friend. The two women get into an argument and it's up to Michael to break them up. He pulls it, and Kelly and Jay finally get along. But for how long?

• _{Wednesday, November 20th, 2002}

  10: Jr.'s Dating Dilemma

  Michael decides to help Junior on his women approach techniques, seeing that his son has absolutely no clue on how to behave around women. His advice consists on primarily having women say ""really?"", which is the key for a successful approach. When Jr. tests Michaels advice on one of Claire friends, he's surprised that it works, and even gets the girl to agree on going on a school dance with him. But Jr. was just testing her so he could ask the hottest girl on school out, which he does (and she accepts, on a move to make her ex-boyfriend jealous). Claire's friend is crushed, and Michael now has to teach him how to apologize properly to a woman. Meanwhile, Jay freaks out about her dream of Michael and Janet Jackson having an affair.

• _{Wednesday, November 27th, 2002}

  11: Jay the Artist

  Feeling that she has no space and time of her own due to home duties, Jay decides to paint. The result is a portrait of Michael based on Michelangelo's David, which makes Michael feel a little bit ""diminished"". They start an argument over it, which ends on Michael finally agreeing on letting Jay show her work at a friend's art gallery – with a ""big"" change, that is. Meanwhile, Michael renews acquaintances with old buddy Steve, while the kids are encouraged to develop their artistic abilities aswell. Claire designs clothes, Kady plays the piano and Junior writes some bizarre poetry

• _{Wednesday, December 4th, 2002}

  12: Chair Man of the Board

  Michael's old friend Tommy is coming over and Michael is very excited because he and Tommy used to compete for everything. But his excitement soon turns into awkwardness when Tommy shows in on a wheelchair and Michael doesn't know how to act with the situation. Tommy decides to take advantage of that until they have a talk in which Tommy asks Michael to treat him like he used to, because despite the wheelchair he's the same guy that used to race Michael for anything. Meanwhile, Claire is caught shoplifting and gets grounded for it. When she confronts Kady about who put the nail polishers on her purse she feels so guilty she confesses to their parents that Claire didn't do it. The punishment? She will no longer be treated like a baby.

• _{Wednesday, December 11th, 2002}

  13: Open Your Heart

  Jay decides to attend a ""Open Your Heart"" seminar for struggling couples, even though she and Michael are happier than ever. Her excuse is ""prevention"", but Michael warns her not to try fixing something that isn't broken. At the seminar, they are teased against each other and stop talking to one another. It takes Kady suffering an accident at school for them to realize how important communication between them really is. Meanwhile, Michael wants his children to learn the value of money and tells Jr. to start his own business selling monkeyfish like he. Jr., instead of the monkeyfish, decides to get 100% refunds on the clothes Claire buys with a 40% discount at the store she's working. When Jr. gets caught, Claire gets fired and Michael punishes him by making he wear the clothes he wanted refund.

• _{Wednesday, December 18th, 2002}

  14: Michael's Tribe

  Michael (aka: Chief Bald Eagle) is recruited to camp out with Kady and her friends and teach them Native American lore. Meanwhile, Clare and ""the new Tony"" plan to stay out all night themselves: they're plotting to sneak out to a ""rave.""

• _{Wednesday, January 22nd, 2003}

  15: Blackout

  Michael wants some time alone in the house and makes a deal with Jay for her and the kids to get out of the house. But of course it doesn't come as easy as he hoped. He has to pay for Claire to agree on going to the mall and is forced to watch The Little Mermaid with Kady for the hundredth time. He switches the movie to Gremlins, which scares the death out of the poor girl, and when the power goes off Claire freaks out about losing her entire work on the computer. In the end, the power failure ends up bringing the Kyles closer together.

• _{Wednesday, January 29th, 2003}

  16: Man of the Year

  Jay nominates Michael for the ""Small Businessman of the Year"" award and he assumes he's going to win it (especially after a golfing buddy on the organization's board tells him: ""If my vote were the only one that counted, you'd be a shoo-in""). Meanwhile, Claire helps herself to items from Jay's makeup bag once too often.

• _{Wednesday, February 5th, 2003}

  17: Jr.'s Risky Business (1)

  As a very impressed Michael sees it, his son's girlfriend, Vanessa is an absolute prize: ""She's beautiful, smart, personable and polite... you guys have nothing in common,"" he tells Jr. But there's something about her that rubs Jay the wrong way. Elsewhere in the courtship department, Kady's similarly smart and personable gentleman caller is a budding piano prodigy named Franklin. As for Claire, all she's courting is a severe case of nerves: the PSATs are coming up and her face has broken out in hives.

• _{Wednesday, February 12th, 2003}

  18: Jr.'s Risky Business (2)

  After walking in on Jr. and his girlfriend having sex on his bed, Michael decides that he and Junior can no longer live under the same roof and throws his son out. Feeling sympathetic for her baby, Jay opposes to Michael's attitude, but at the same time agrees the boy needs a severe punishment. She had Jr. stay on a tent in the backyard until she can cool things down with Michael, who only realizes he might be estranging his son for good after Vanessa has a woman-to-woman talk with Jay. Michael lets Jr. move back, remembering that he once was in the same position as Jr.

• _{Wednesday, February 26th, 2003}

  19: Jury Duty

  Michael and Jay are asked to serve jury duty together. Michael's elected foreman and wants to move on the trial quickly so he can get home to watch the ""Godfather"" marathon on TV. But Jay won't vote in guilty because she thinks there has to be a debate first. Thanks to that, Michael ends up missing the marathon, and has to rent the videos to catch up with the movie. At the video store, he meets an insurance salesman whom he mistakes for a mobster, and is convinced that the mob is after him due to the case. The case ends up being dismissed before they can vote, and Jay is disappointed that Michael wouldn't back her up but has her revenge when Michael acts like a fool.

• _{Wednesday, March 5th, 2003}

  20: Here Come Da Judge

  When Jr and Claire find a lost wallet containing $500, it's time for a session of ""family court"" to decide who gets the money. Meanwhile, Claire's boyfriend Tony induces her to become a vegetarian.

• _{Wednesday, March 26th, 2003}

  21: Claire's Permit

  Claire has taken her driving permit, but Michael won't lend her the car because he doesn't think she can drive very well. Nevertheless, Claire steals the car keys thinking if she goes out really quick while her parents are gone they will never notice. Unfortunately, she drives by them on her way to meet her friends, and Michael decides to teach her a lesson on the Michael Kyle style: stealing the car and making Clare feel guilty about it. She goes to Junior for help, and they call the police reporting the stolen car. Michael ends up in jail due to the mixup, but he and Clare end up getting along after everything is cleared up.

• _{Wednesday, April 9th, 2003}

  22: Sharon's Picture

  Jay gets mad at Michael after finding a photo of an attractive former girlfriend among his things. Franklin has trouble admitting that his little sister Aretha is an outstanding singer.

• _{Wednesday, April 30th, 2003}

  23: Tee for Too Many

  Jay decides to spend more quality time with Michael - by watching him play golf. Meanwhile, Jr., who only wants to go to college because Vanessa's going, asks Franklin for help with the application essay.

• _{Wednesday, May 7th, 2003}

  24: The Big Bang Theory

  Michael and Jay panic when Claire reveals that she and Tony have decided to have sex. Her parents try by all means to change their minds and stop them, unsuccessfully. When the day and time comes, their find out Claire has sneaked out of the house and panic. Claire and Tony show up a few minutes later, and just when Michael is ready to kill him, Tony reveals that they didn't do anything. Just when they were about to do it, he opened the drawer on the hotel room's nightstand and found a bible, which he took as a sign from God. But he doesn't have to know that every hotel has a bible.

• _{Wednesday, May 14th, 2003}

  25: Not So Hostile Takeover

  Claire comes home with the exciting news that she was invited to senior prom. Jay is excited about it and volunteers to chaperone at the dance, in order to keep Claire safe from her date, a senior quarterback. But Jay's exaggerated excitement makes Claire feel uncomfortable, especially when her parents are crowned queen and king of the prom. Michael tells Claire that she shouldn't be upset about it because Jay never attended her own prom as she was giving birth to Junior that night, and so Claire lets her mom enjoy her moment. Meanwhile, Junior falls into another one of Michael's plans once he tries to teach the kid a lesson about money management and ends up turning his car the exact opposite of Junior's plans.

• _{Wednesday, May 21st, 2003}

  26: Graduation (1)

  Jr.'s graduation is coming up, and he breaks the news to his family that he wants to go to college. At first shocked, Michael decides to help him make a good interview, but his anxiety and lack of good sense makes him look like a complete moron. He even tries to bride the interviewer, when he's finally asked to leave Jr. alone. The kid does reasonably good. A few days later a letter arrives at the Kyles, saying that Jr. got accepted but has to take summer school classes. Meanwhile, Clare wears a blond wig to call her parents attention, thinking she has been forgotten now that Jr. is on the spot. And Franklin applies to the soon available son spot on the Kyle family.

• _{Wednesday, May 21st, 2003}

  27: Graduation (2)

  Junior finally graduates, and his parents give him a trip to Japan as a gift – and as a way to separate Junior and Vanessa, who are planning on moving in together and getting married as soon as they start college. Both Kady and Clare admit their sadness on Junior leaving, and Michael and Jay feel proud of having raised a semi-successful child. They go out to relive some of their memories and when they come back late at night they find Junior and Vanessa sitting in the kitchen. He's decided not to go to Japan anymore. Vanessa is pregnant.

Season 4

• _{Wednesday, September 24th, 2003}

  1: From Dummy to Daddy

  After hearing the shocking news that their son Junior is going to become a father, Michael and Jay freak out. They try to talk with him and help him realize he can't support a family living in their garage and having no job, so Michael offers him a job at his firm. Due to Michael's teasing with the boy, he gets late for his first day and Michael fires him after his second tardiness. But seeing that his son needs all the help he can get, Michael gives him another chance. Meanwhile, Tony feels guilty about having spicy thoughts about Claire and Franklyn is still out for Junior's spot on the Kyle family.

• _{Wednesday, September 24th, 2003}

  2: The Sweet Hairafter

  Michael meets his friend Jimmy at the golf club and is impressed with how much hair he's grown with the help of some ""miracle"" pills called ""Come Hair Now"". As he starts to take them in overdose, weird stripes of hair rise from his chronically bald head. He's jealous of his hair and won't let anyone touch it. He also starts to get paranoiac that Jay is trying to kill him after they make a life insurance, but turns out it was just one of the side effects of the pill. Meanwhile, Kady becomes very jealous of Claire when she volunteers to be on the big sister program.

• _{Wednesday, October 1st, 2003}

  3: Jr. Executive

  Michael wants Jr. to learn the family business by starting at the bottom, so he assigns Jr. to do menial jobs around Kyle Trucking. Jr., however, decides to use the fact that he's the boss' son to his advantage and convinces other employees to do his work for him. Meanwhile, Claire arranges a secret date with a guy she met on the Internet in a Shakespeare chat room.

• _{Wednesday, October 8th, 2003}

  4: Jay Goes to School

  Jay decides to go to college and get her psychology degree, which Michael fully reprehends her for. He doesn't want her to put the household in second because it would jeopardize the entire family and eventually could ruin their marriage. After going to a real psychologist, Michael and Jay come to terms and she agrees to scale back her classes as he decides to let her pursue her dream. Meanwhile, Junior's friends turn his old crib into some sort of vehicle.

• _{Wednesday, October 15th, 2003}

  5: Meet the Parents

  Vanessa's parents come over the Kyles house to discuss the future baby's situation. Michael is outraged with the demands from the Scotts, but Calvin's size makes Michael think twice before taking any drastic measures. They take the Scotts out for dinner and are left with the bill. Realizing they have a couple of con artists on their hands, Michael and Jay stand up for themselves and set the baby's true needs – which don't include a new house for the Scotts as Calvin wanted.

• _{Wednesday, October 22nd, 2003}

  6: He's Having a Baby

  Worried about Junior's fathering skills, Michael decides to enroll him in a parenting course. Junior is reluctant to attend, so Michael gives him a water balloon that Junior should keep for a week as if it was the baby. If it breaks, he'll have to attend the course. Michael doesn't let Junior have it easy, and Junior insists that more than wanting to teach him how to be a good parent, Michael doesn't have any trust in him.

• _{Wednesday, October 29th, 2003}

  7: The Funeral

  The Kyles are willing to support Michael's inconsolable employee, Larry, who can't get over losing his 103-year-old grandmother. But Larry goes overboard when, at the funeral, he asks little Kady to kiss his ""Grammy"" goodbye and for Jay to sing his beloved grandmother's favorite R&B song.

• _{Wednesday, November 5th, 2003}

  8: Ultrasound

  The Kyles and Vanessa's parents escort her to her first ultrasound. When asked if they wanted to know the baby's sex, Michael is the only one who stands out with a positive answer. Obsessed with knowing whether he's having a grandson or a granddaughter, he tries by all means to have the doctor tell him. He finally assumes it's a boy, and tells Jay and eventually the rest of the family. But in the end the situation reverses as they all confirm with the doctor the real sex of the future Kyle and leave Michael out in the rain. Meanwhile, Franklyn freaks out with the idea of losing Kady to ""Smilin' Willie"" and tries to learn how to be a dance master.

• _{Wednesday, November 12th, 2003}

  9: Marathon

  When Jay works hard to get in shape and run a marathon, Michael thinks that, since he's a man, he can run the marathon as well - without any real training. Meanwhile, bible-quoting Tony asks the gorgeous Claire to dress "ugly" so he won't feel so turned on.

• _{Wednesday, November 19th, 2003}

  10: While Out

  Much to Claire's delight, Michael and Jay forget to recite their house rules — ""No friends, no fires, no freedom, no fun"" — before going out for the night. As a result, Claire decides to throw a party so she can get in with the so-called right crowd. Things get raucous when someone spikes the punch and a drunken Tony fulfills a fantasy and streaks down the street naked.

• _{Wednesday, November 26th, 2003}

  11: Michael's Band

  When Michael's old friend and former bandmate, Johnny ""Saxophone"" Watson, comes to town for a gig, it turns out Johnny's piano player can't make it. Michael eagerly accepts an invitation to take the man's place, but refuses to admit that his musical skills have gotten rusty. Meanwhile, love is blind when it comes to Franklin realizing that his little sister, Aretha, is a much better singer than the tone-deaf Kady.

• _{Wednesday, December 10th, 2003}

  12: The Lady is Not a Tramp

  Michael's imagination takes off when he finds a package of condoms in daughter Claire's backpack the same day her boyfriend, Tony, is returning from a month in the desert. Annoyed that her father is jumping to conclusions, Claire decides to give him a taste of his own unique brand of discipline. Meanwhile Jr. accidentally gives Kady his pet dog's medicine and Kady pretends to turn into a dog.

• _{Wednesday, December 17th, 2003}

  13: Of Mice and Man

  When Jay finds mouse droppings, she demands that Michael hire an exterminator to get rid of them, but, as usual, Michael is determined to handle it himself. Meanwhile, Claire is also freaked out by a rodent when she accidentally runs over a squirrel while driving home.

• _{Wednesday, January 7th, 2004}

  14: Moving on Out

  Tired of living in the garage, Jr. looks for an apartment and enlists his buddy, John, to be a co-signer… except that John has to dress up and pose as Jr.'s grandmother for the realtor. When Jr. and Vanessa's families come to visit the couple's new apartment, Jay is shocked to find that her new grandchild might be living in a run-down building with yellow police tape around the entrance.

• _{Wednesday, January 21st, 2004}

  15: Candy Wars

  When Kady wants to spend some quality time with her father, she enlists Michael's help in the school candy drive. But when the father of last year's winner claims he can prevail once again, a competitive Michael loses sight of helping Kady and commits to selling an exorbitant number of chocolate bars.

• _{Wednesday, February 4th, 2004}

  16: Jr. Sells His Car

  Jr. restores his prized 1964 Impala, but then he and Vanessa surprise everyone when they decide to sell it in order to have money for their new baby. Meanwhile, Franklin seeks advice from Michael on how to act more like a normal kid.

• _{Wednesday, February 11th, 2004}

  17: The Anniversary Present

  Michael and Jay try to hide their disappointment when they don't receive the wedding anniversary gifts each are expecting from each other. Meanwhile, with Franklin's help, novice cook Claire hopes to prepare a gourmet dinner for her parents' anniversary present.

• _{Wednesday, February 18th, 2004}

  18: Illegal Smile

  The day after an anti-wrinkle injection goes awry for Michael and he ends up with an unnatural expression, he has to fight a traffic ticket in court. The judge is angered by his frozen grin and sentences him to a night in jail, where Michael's cell mate, Big Guy, thinks Michael is coming on to him since he keeps smiling at him.

• _{Wednesday, February 25th, 2004}

  19: Outbreak Monkey

  When an ecstatic Michael scores a ticket to see basketball star LeBron James play at Madison Square Garden, his excitement quickly turns to paranoia when, just days before the game, everyone in the Kyle household, except Michael, comes down with the flu. To ensure that he won't miss the game, he goes to absurd extremes to keep from getting sick, including spraying disinfectant on his family and using a ten-foot grabber to hand Jay her orange juice.

• _{Wednesday, March 3rd, 2004}

  20: Empty Nest (1)

  During a rare occasion when Michael and Jay have the house to themselves, they find themselves reminiscing about the fun times they've had with their kids and various friends. Some of these memorable moments include Jay's obsession with her weight and Michael's visit to a proctologist.

• _{Wednesday, March 3rd, 2004}

  21: Empty Nest (2)

  During a rare occasion when Michael and Jay have the house to themselves, they find themselves reminiscing about the fun times they've had with their kids and various friends. Some of these memorable moments include Jay's obsession with her weight and Michael's visit to a proctologist.

• _{Wednesday, March 10th, 2004}

  22: Calvin Comes to Stay

  Calvin, Vanessa's gregarious father, has an argument with his wife, Jasmine, gets kicked out of the house and moves in with the Kyles, against their wishes. When he starts eating everything in sight and keeps everyone awake with his loud snoring, a frustrated Michael comes up with a clever plan to get Calvin back home.

• _{Wednesday, March 31st, 2004}

  23: Calvin Goes to Work

  When the overwhelmingly strong and gregarious Calvin, Vanessa's dad, begs Michael to give him a job at Kyle Trucking, Michael does so reluctantly and his worst fears are realized. Calvin's way of dealing with customers and merchandise leaves a little to be desired, and now Michael must find a way to get rid of the man without getting himself hurt in the process. Meanwhile, Claire gets Franklin to help her with her science paper.

• _{Wednesday, April 21st, 2004}

  24: Romantic Night

  Wanting to spend quiet time together, Michael plans a romantic evening with Jay at an exclusive hotel. Then, when Jr. mistakenly cancels the reservation, Michael tries to create a romantic night at home. But things take a disastrous turn when Michael hurts his head trying to shut off the water valve, Jay handcuffs them to each other – but can't find the key – and a burnt roast almost causes the house to burn down.

• _{Wednesday, April 28th, 2004}

  25: The Director

  In his excitement to tape a basketball game, Michael accidentally records over a home video of Kady's first steps, which happens to be one of Jay's most cherished family moments. When Jay decides to have a family home movie night, Michael must act quickly and enlists Franklin's help to reenact that moment of Kyle family history.

• _{Wednesday, May 5th, 2004}

  26: The Maid

  While Jay is away at a seminar, Michael hires a maid, Mrs. Hopkins, to look after the family. Mrs. Hopkins fulfills their every need and want to a sweet perfection, including homemade ice cream, an immaculately clean house and handmade outfits for Claire. When Jay comes home, she appreciates Mrs. Hopkins' attention to every detail, but begins to feel that perhaps she has taken over just a bit too much.

• _{Wednesday, May 12th, 2004}

  27: Hand Model

  In a twist of fate, Michael is recruited as a hand model during Claire's modeling audition. As he flaunts his newfound fame, he is careful to protect the family's new financial asset – his hands. Meanwhile Franklin feels threatened by Kady's friendship with Rachel, so, on Jr.'s advice, he takes matters into his own hands.

• _{Wednesday, May 19th, 2004}

  28: What Do You Know?

  The family plays a game which shows them exactly how much they know about each other.

• _{Wednesday, May 26th, 2004}

  29: The Baby (1)

  Jr. and Vanessa announce that they want to have the baby at home with the help of Summer Breeze, a midwife whose natural childbirth methods include the whole family's participation.

• _{Wednesday, May 26th, 2004}

  30: The Baby (2)

  Jr. and Vanessa announce that they want to have the baby at home with the help of Summer Breeze, a midwife whose natural childbirth methods include the whole family's participation.

Season 5

• _{Saturday, June 12th, 2004}

  0: My Wife and Kids: Access All Areas

• _{Tuesday, September 21st, 2004}

  1: Fantasy Camp (1)

  Michael can't focus on much else after learning that he'll be going to sports legend Michael Jordan's fantasy basketball camp in Las Vegas. Everyone shares his excitement – but for different reasons – and finds some reason as to why they should tag along. Once there, Michael learns that there's been a mix-up with the game schedule, so he resorts to some inventive ploys of his own to ensure he gets to play his idol.

• _{Tuesday, September 21st, 2004}

  2: Fantasy Camp (2)

  Michael can't focus on much else after learning that he'll be going to sports legend Michael Jordan's fantasy basketball camp in Las Vegas. Everyone shares his excitement – but for different reasons – and finds some reason as to why they should tag along. Once there, Michael learns that there's been a mix-up with the game schedule, so he resorts to some inventive ploys of his own to ensure he gets to play his idol.

• _{Tuesday, September 28th, 2004}

  3: Childcare Class

  Michael fails a child-care course for grandparents, so Vanessa and Jr. refuse to let him baby-sit his grandchild.

• _{Tuesday, October 5th, 2004}

  4: Class Reunion

  Michael is reluctant to attend his high-school reunion until a former rival challenges him to a dance-off.

• _{Tuesday, October 12th, 2004}

  5: The Fellowship of the Baby

  When an overwhelmed Jr. thinks he is not smart enough to take care of his own son, Michael tells Jr. that ""Jr., Jr."" is a ""magic baby,"" and that every time he holds him, it will make Jr. smarter. The ploy works, but in the process Jr. becomes somewhat arrogant with his new-found knowledge, so Michael brings Franklin in so that the two geniuses can match wits. Meanwhile, Kady catches Claire sneaking back into her bedroom after hours and threatens to tell their parents, unless Claire does some favors for her.

• _{Tuesday, October 19th, 2004}

  6: Pokerface

  Michael advises Jr. that it's ok to spend some time away from Vanessa and the baby, but his advice misfires when Jr. invites Jay along to their all-male poker game. Michael decides, in turn, to crash Jay's all-female book club, where they're discussing the latest book by Angeline Boudreaux.

• _{Tuesday, November 9th, 2004}

  7: The Proposal

  Jr. is finally ready to propose to Vanessa, but every time he tries to do so, something interrupts him, including Michael and Jay -- who are preparing to compete against each other in a karaoke competition.

• _{Tuesday, November 16th, 2004}

  8: Restaurant Wars

  At first, Michael is skeptical that Jay can be successful at opening her own soul food restaurant. But his competitive and supportive sides emerge when the Hoos, the owners of the Chinese restaurant across the street, use sneaky tactics to put ""Jay's Soooooouuuul Kitchen"" out of business.

• _{Tuesday, November 23rd, 2004}

  9: The Return of Bobby Shaw

  Micheal's enemy, Bobby Shaw tricks Jr. into signing a contract making Jr. his slave. When Micheal tries to get him out of the contract,they end up in a dance off.

• _{Tuesday, November 30th, 2004}

  10: The Wedding

  Jr. and Vanessa announce that they want to get married in two weeks, Vanessa having told Jr. that she wants a small, simple wedding. Michael and Jay offer to help plan it, but instead of something simple and sweet, they plan an elaborate and expensive ceremony that includes dolphins, a castle and 751 guests. Frustrated, Vanessa tells Jr. he needs to regain control of things, forcing him to decide whether he should stand up to Michael.

• _{Tuesday, January 11th, 2005}

  11: Careful What You Wish For

  When Jay wishes that Michael would give her the kind of romantic attention that she sees newlywed Vanessa getting from Jr., Michael decides to kill Jay with kindness so he can get back to watching TV and ignoring her. Meanwhile, Franklin tells Kady that he thinks he's too short and goes to great lengths to appear otherwise.

• _{Tuesday, January 18th, 2005}

  12: They Call Me El Foosay

  When Vanessa innocently buys Jr. a foosball game, Jr. discovers his competitive nature and becomes obnoxious when he wins. When Michael challenges Jr. and wins, he initially wants to teach his son a lesson about being a good winner. But then when Michael continues to win, his ""fatherly lesson"" goes out the window and instead he becomes obsessed with playing foosball. Desperate, the Kyles have to come up with a plan to break the game's hold on Michael.

• _{Tuesday, January 25th, 2005}

  13: Study Buddy

  Michael feels neglected because Jay is spending all of her time studying for her psychology final. He decides to tutor her, but his efforts cause her to fail. To make it up to her, he tries to bribe her professor to let her re-take the test. Meanwhile, when Kady thinks Franklin prefers her smart friend over her, she tries to act more ""brainy.""

• _{Tuesday, February 1st, 2005}

  14: Sweetheart's Day

  When Jay insists that Michael buy her a present for ""Sweetheart's Day,"" a reluctant Michael comes up with a scheme to base the price of Jay's gift on her attitude towards him at a particular moment. He shares his plan with Jr., Tony and Franklin, hoping that they will follow the lead, but the only lead is straight to trouble.

• _{Tuesday, February 8th, 2005}

  15: Silence is Golden

  Michael reluctantly accompanies Jay on a meditation weekend, where he has trouble following the rule of silence.

• _{Tuesday, February 15th, 2005}

  16: The Bahamas (1)

  When the Kyles arrive at the Atlantis, Paradise Island resort in the Bahamas for their family vacation, Michael announces that all he wants to do is get some rest and relaxation-by himself. But no sooner does he settle into his lounge chair for some peace and quiet than his talkative and annoying golf buddy, Jimmy (David Alan Grier), shows up and insists that they spend time together. Michael is relieved to find a way out when Jay invites him to the isolated Magic Island so they can have some romantic fun. As their day winds down and it's time to leave, the boat never shows up to take them back and the couple find themselves stranded in the middle of nowhere.

• _{Tuesday, February 22nd, 2005}

  17: The Bahamas (2)

  While at the Atlantis, Paradise Island resort in the Bahamas for a family vacation, lovebirds Michael and Jay find themselves stranded on the isolated Magic Island - along with a rapidly rising tide -- and the only other person there who can help them is Michael's talkative and annoying golf buddy, Jimmy (David Alan Grier) -- who refuses to do so since they weren't willing to spend time with him when they had the chance. Meanwhile, Jr. leaves Vanessa and the baby behind so he can enjoy the resort's activities; Tony and Claire hang out at the beach bar and she realizes too late that her island drink contains alcohol; and Kady and Franklin run into his nemesis, Francesco Mumfordi, who has stolen one of Franklin's theories.

• _{Tuesday, March 1st, 2005}

  18: The Remodel

  Realizing that the garage is no longer a suitable living situation for Jr., Vanessa and the baby, Jay insists that Michael have it remodeled. When the contractor bids are too expensive for his taste, Michael decides to take on the job himself, with Jr.'s help. But when they get in over their heads, Franklin -- who happens to be a certified contractor - has to come to their rescue.

• _{Tuesday, March 8th, 2005}

  19: Michael Joins a Gym

  The same day Michael realizes he can't fit into his favorite pair of vintage jeans, he runs into an old high school friend, the muscular Daryl (Terry Crews), who doesn't look any older than when Michael last saw him. He enlists Darryl's help to get him back into shape and, in the process, becomes obsessed with looking fit and buff. Meanwhile, Franklin fails his first test and fears that Kady will no longer accept him.

• _{Tuesday, March 15th, 2005}

  20: Celibacy

  When Jay tells Michael that their love life will be even better if they are celibate for six months, Michael is willing to abide by her wishes, although reluctantly. Meanwhile, Franklin and Kady plant some seeds in the ground to symbolize their growing love for each other, but the seeds grow into an ingredient for a love potion that Jay uses to spice up her romantic dinner for Michael.

• _{Tuesday, March 29th, 2005}

  21: Jr.'s Cartoon

  When Jr. wins a national competition for his cartoon entitled ""My Wife and Kid"" -- based on himself, Vanessa, the baby and the rest of the Kyle family -- it catches the attention of ABC. Michael becomes Jr.'s agent, but the meeting with the television executives goes badly, crushing Jr.'s dream opportunity, so now Michael has to find a way to rectify the situation. Meanwhile, Claire threatens to break up with Tony unless he can bring some ""umph"" into their relationship.

• _{Tuesday, April 12th, 2005}

  22: Michael's Sandwich

  Under a time deadline to catch his flight, Michael tries to prepare his signature, masterpiece sandwich to take with him on the plane. But various family distractions delay his getting to the airport, and his beloved sandwich is searched by suspicious security guards.

• _{Tuesday, April 26th, 2005}

  23: Graduation Day

  It's Jay's college graduation day and Michael is determined to make it go flawlessly - but everything that could go wrong does, and the day seems destined for disaster. To make matters worse, Jay thinks Michael, who didn't want her to go to college in the first place, is trying to sabotage her special day.

• _{Tuesday, May 3rd, 2005}

  24: Michael Sells the Business

  With a lucrative bid from a large company offering to purchase Kyle Trucking, Michael convinces Jay that, if they sold their business, they'd be able to spend more quality time with Jr., Jr. and watch him grow up -- something they wish they could have done more of with their own kids. But the offer goes bust and Michael's nemesis, Bobby Shaw (Katt Williams), comes up with a surprising proposal. Meanwhile, Kady and Claire antagonize each other over who gets to spend more time in the bathroom.

• _{Tuesday, May 10th, 2005}

  25: R.V. Dreams

  Michael, who is determined to make record time driving from Connecticut to the Grand Canyon in a luxurious R.V., convinces his reluctant family to make the road trip so they can spend quality time together. Along the way, Michael puts the family through many misadventures -- including getting lost -- and in his haste neglects to read one of the R.V. manual's most crucial operational features.

• _{Tuesday, May 17th, 2005}

  26: The 'V' Story

  Now that the kids are almost out of their hair, Jay insists that Michael have a vasectomy so they can feel free to enjoy themselves, but Michael is reluctant to go through with the operation.